It has been a turbulent few months to say the least!
Cancelled tournaments, lockdown laws, and travel restrictions have all been dominant features of our lives over the past few months. At times like these I think it is always important to look for the silver linings in things like appreciating relationships with family and friends, how lucky we are to live where we live and all of the opportunities that we often take for granted. It's definitely worth taking a moment to look around and smell the roses!
Building on that note, the run of tuna along the NSW east coast has been nothing short of sensational with good fish being caught from Bermagui to Port Macquarie of both the yellow and blue finned varieties. It has also been great to see so many of our members and club boats not only getting out there amongst the action but also using the members only Facebook page to share reports and information. The Tuna Slam is underway and running through until the end of August. With over $2,000 up for grabs make sure you get your entries in before heading out!
The Mako comp is also just around the corner on the 1st and 2nd of August with entry forms available on the website and with the gemfish arriving right on time it should be a good one!
The club is now back open again after the restrictions and we invite all members to come down and use their facilities! The club also recently ran its first ever online club meeting with Peter Pakula walking us through his new range of fish print lures.
The Committee have been working hard over this period to innovate and look at what the club can do to bring value and
support its members in the changing landscape. We also encourage any members with suggestions or feedback to
reach out to the Committee and let us know what your ideas are and what you want from your club.
Co-Acting Presidents Report
Makira weighed a nice Bluefin 57kg on 15kg line I could only manage a 33kg on 10kg.
12/7/20 Congratulations to Max and Markoo, who have just weighed a yellowfin tuna that went 38.7kg for the Tuna Slam. The bluefin category is still wide open!
With a significant cash prize up for grabs make sure you get your entries in prior to fishing!
12/07/20 Tuna time Smartbill left Sydney heads Friday night headed south off Ulladulla late Saturday on the tide change they had a 4 way hookup landed 2 then on Sunday around 11am another 4 way hookup landed 3 including Byrom von Bonde catching a 81.9kg Bluefin on 10kg pending NSW & club record
Sebastian caught a 72.2kg on 24kg And a 55.9kg 37kg
New member Gill landed his first tuna 75.9kg on 24kg
Jerome landed a 66.8kg on 24kg
You, Julian Hutchen, Daniel Kirbyand38 others
Seen by 118
Calendar of Events SGFC
1st Start of Annual Tuna Slam
+ Winter Pointscore continues
7th Club Meeting
28th Committee Meeting
1st and 2nd - Geoff Woolley Memorial Monster Mako
Tournament 2020 + end of winter point score
4th Club Meeting
22nd SGFC Club Presentation TBA
25th Comimittee Meeting
1st Club AGM SGFC
22nd - 23rd Start Summer Pointscore
25th Comimittee Meeting
Striped Marlin Recaptured Twice!
For the first time in the history of the program a striped marlin has been recaptured twice!
The striped marlin was originally tagged and released on 20 February 2020 by Christine Kirby. Christine was fishing on the ladies day of the NSWGFA interclub competition aboard her son Daniel’s boat Gale Force. The fish was originally tagged north of the ‘Carpark’ offshore of Port Stephens, NSW, and it was estimated to be 60kg upon release.
After 22 days the fish was recaptured and re-tagged on 13 March 2020, south of the ‘Carpark’. Angler Ben Hayes who was fishing aboard well-known Sydney GFC boat Little Audrey II estimated the fish to be 65kg. The fish had travelled a straight line distance of 8 nautical miles from its original release location.
The fish was then recaptured again 14 days later on 27 March 2020 by a commercial longline vessel. The skipper of the longline vessel found two tags in the fish and passed them on to a local angler, Paul Lazzaro, who then reported the recapture to the program. The fish was recaptured well beyond the continental shelf, wide of Tathra NSW. Upon recapture the fish weighed in at 72.4kg. During its 14 days at liberty (since the first recapture) the fish had travelled a straight line distance of 245 nautical miles (~453 km), averaging 32 km per day.
Interestingly, the skipper of Little Audrey II, Brendan Gillen was unable to retrieve the tag when the fish was first recaptured however made note of this in the tag card comments section. When the fish got recaptured for the second time, two tag numbers were submitted. This allowed us to piece the puzzle together of the two recaptures, based on the dates and the notes left by Brendan. It goes to show how important it is to leave remarks on your tag cards, especially if you notice a tag on the fish.
Overall the fish had spent only 36 days at liberty and had travelled a straight line distance of 250 nautical miles over this time, travelling from Port Stephens to Tathra. This recapture reinforces the resilience of billfish to catch and release and highlights the dynamic nature of their movements.
Swim map for the striped marlin that was recapture twice
Benn takes time out from skippering Markoo to jump on the deck and wind one in! Pic: Luke Wilson
Want to feel old?
Bonanza premiered 60 yrs ago. - The Beatles split 50 yrs ago.
Laugh-In premiered nearly 52 yrs ago. - The Wizard of Oz is 80 yrs old.
Elvis is dead 42 yrs. He’d be 84 today. - The Thriller video is 36 yrs old.
Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin dead 49 yrs. - John Lennon dead 39 yrs.
Mickey Mantle retired 51 yrs ago. - Back to the Future is 35 yrs old.
Saturday Night Fever is 42 yrs old. - The Ed Sullivan show ended 47 yrs ago.
The Brady Bunch premiered 50 yrs ago. - The triplets on My Three Sons are 50.
Tabitha from Bewitched is 55. - The Corvette turned 66 this year.
Guys I need your help
I'm in the middle of an
argument with my wife
and she just told me that
I'm right. What the hell
do I do next?!
It is with regret that we have to record the passing of our esteemed Past President and Honorary Life Member Hilton E. Hollingdale on May 27, 2020 at Edgecliff, Sydney, aged 94 years and 8 months.
Hilton was born in Sydney on October 2, 1925 into a well-known Sydney legal family. He was educated at St. Ignatius College, Riverview where he attended from 1937 until 1942. He enlisted in the Royal Australian Air Force
in 1943, just out of school, and served until his discharge in 1946. He attended Hawkesbury Agricultural College from 1946 until 1948 on a Government Rehabilitation Scheme, as his interests then lay in farming and country life. He persisted with these endeavours until 1958, when he took a position as a veterinary representative with Glaxo Laboratories in country N.S.W.
In 1960, Hilton set up Northern Veterinary Supplies Pty. Ltd. and over the next thirty years he and his employees built the company into one of the largest wholesalers and manufacturers of veterinary products in Australia and New Zealand. He retired from the business in 1990.
VALE- Hilton Hollingdale.(1925-2020).
Back in 1965, Hilton acquired his vessel “Windermer” and joined S.G.F.C., urged on by his old school friend, the late John O’Brien MBE, a Club stalwart and later President of the Game Fishing Association of Australia. Following on from some exciting times on the ocean, Hilt joined with the late Louis Ardilley (President 1968-69) in the purchase of their 27 ft. cruiser “Bralga”. Amongst their many captures, Hilton landed the Australian record 412 lb. grey nurse shark on 50 lb. tackle, still one of the retired species historical marks.
Hilton joined the Club’s committee in 1966 and served various terms over the next ten or so years, eventually being elected to the Vice Presidency for 1978-79. In 1979, he was elected President, following on from Ray Berry in the seemingly never-ending drama that was the demolition and re-building of the Watsons Bay wharf and the Clubhouse. The then Maritime Services Board took almost three years to complete the wharf work, plus then the period of construction of the new Clubhouse, the result being that the Club was effectively homeless for this time, relying on the assistance of other organisations and hiring appropriate venues, as required.
In 1983, Hilton had the pleasure of presiding over the opening of the long awaited new Clubhouse by the Patron, Sir Roden Cutler VC. As Hilton said “it was a long time between drinks! But the waiting was worthwhile”. Behind the scenes, Hilt and his committee worked constantly to ensure that the Club continued functioning and that the funds to complete the works were available, with the generosity of the members foremost in this endeavour.
Hilton, of course, did not neglect his fishing over this time and took several annual trophies, including the 30lb.tackle heaviest marlin capture with a 217.5 lb. black marlin. He also changed boats over time with his 23ft. Savage “Ranger” and his 32ft. Cresta “Bushranger” added to his fleet and usually crewed by his old friends Jack Kemp and Kevin Brennan.
In 1983, the members elected Hilton E. Hollingdale to Honorary Life Membership of the Club, in recognition of his service to his fellow members over many years and, especially during his Presidency, when he held the membership together during trying times. He disposed of his boat in 1986 and following his retirement worked on improving his golf handicap at Royal Sydney. Following a period of poor health, Hilton moved into care at Albert Hall Nursing Home at Edgecliff, where he passed away, a man of great charm and character, much admired by his family, friends and colleagues, particularly those at Sydney Game Fishing Club.
John McIntyre June 2020.
Don't forget the SGFC 2020 Annual Tuna Slam is already underway
(1st July to 31st August).
The cost is $250 per boat for the full 2 months.
(regardless of the number of anglers).
All of the entry fees go into a prize pool which is split up as follows:
40% heaviest Bluefin Tuna
40% heaviest Yellowfin Tuna
BONUS: $2000 in the kitty already left over from last years Tuna Slam. Make sure you enter as potentially every fish could be a winner as last year proved.
You need to have your entry in and paid for before heading out for the day and you could be rolling in cash. It's great value and great fun so don't miss out.
T&C's at sgfc.com.au.
The SGFC clubhouse and wharf is a fantastic membership benefit for you to tie up and bring business associates, family and friends to enjoy the club facilities.New members, particularly trailer boat owners sometimes find tying up a bit daunting, particularly with partners and young children on-board but I can assure you once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty simple and safe.
When I first joined the club, Glen Wright saw me arrive at the wharf one day looking puzzled. He quickly came out and showed me how to tie up which I very much appreciated. This has led to many happy afternoons with family and friends. Any of the committee are happy to help you and you are encouraged to put your hand up and ask any questions.We will also be posting a video online to show how it’s done.
Here are a few things to remember to keep the wharf and everyone content and safe.
Wharf rules – These are outlined on the club website and further posted on the Wharf Notice Board.
Club Access cards – as a boat owner, you can apply for 24x7 club access card so you can access the wharf, clubhouse, cleaning, weigh station etc. Please email the Secretary@sgfc.com.au. The cost is a non-refundable $100
Unattended boats – If you are leaving the club for example to go to lunch nearby, you MUST write your contact details on the notice board provided in big letters so other arriving skippers can contact you without having to dock first.You must be within 30 minutes of the club.
It’s OK to raft up – If there is another boat there its OK to tie up alongside them.Remember to make sure you have the correct fenders and tie up securely as you will be responsible for any damage. Please respect the other boats and do not damage them when traversing the back decks with shoes and gear.Generally its bigger boats in close so don’t be surprised if you have to shuffle things around.
Where to tie up - Trailer boats should tie up on the western end of the wharf, facing the harbour and larger vessels should tie up on the eastern end facing the shore.This keeps the area near the ferries clear.
Get organised before you dock – sit off the wharf and get things organised before you dock.
What you need - here is what I find useful on Gobble de Hook.
Using the SGFC Wharf
·Fenders– There can be a lot of wash from passing ferries and boats.After trying out a few types, I have settled on long medium fenders that can be placed horizontally and roll up and down the pylon as the ferry wash passes.Mine are inflatable 900mm x 250mm.These long fenders are also great for rafting up when used between railings and gunwales.
The long skinny ones took me a long time to find but you can now get them from our tight lines sponsor Net & Tackle Sales at the fish markets. Josh knows the correct ones and you will get discounted SGFC pricing of $97.50 each (Josh is also a great low cost source of deep drop weights, shark clips, hooks etc)
·Ropes– I use 4 x 12m x 10mm-12mm ropes with a loop tied at one end so you have plenty of length for springers etc. Net & Tackle Sales will cut and loop bulk rope for you at bulk rates for SGFC members.
·Tying up –as per the diagram below.
·Make the springers as long as possible so they do not end up tight if the tide changes.
·Tie the bow and stern form the outside of he boat
Once you are tied up correctly, you will be able to sit and relax knowing that your boat will be safely tied up and will not get damaged. As a member – please use and enjoy the wharf and all the club facilities.
What are Southern Bluefin Tuna (Thunnus maccoyii)
Southern bluefin tuna (SBT) are large, fast swimming, pelagic fish (ie. living in the open seas). SBT are found throughout the southern hemisphere mainly in waters between 30 and 50 degrees south but only rarely in the eastern Pacific. The only known breeding area is in the Indian Ocean, south-east of Java, Indonesia.
SBT can live for up to forty years, reach a weight of over 200 kilograms, and measure more than 2 metres in length. There is some uncertainty about the size and age when on average they become mature. This is the subject of current research by Commission members. The available data suggests that it is around 1.5 metres and no younger than age 8. Mature females produce several million or more eggs in a single spawning period.
Breeding takes place from September to April in warm waters south of Java. The juveniles migrate south down the west coast of Australia. During the summer months (December-April), they tend to congregate near the surface in the coastal waters off the southern coast of Australia and spend their winters in deeper, temperate oceanic waters. After age 5, they are seldom found in near shore surface waters.
As SBT breed in the one area (south of Java) and all look alike wherever they are found, they are managed as one breeding stock.
Some other known facts about SBT are:-
# they swim at an average speed of 2-3 km/hr;
# average growth for a three-year old is 1.5 cm per month (fish have been growing faster since about 1980 than previously);
# they can tolerate a wide range of water temperatures because of their advanced circulatory system which tends to keep the temperature of their body warmer than the surrounding water;
# they are known to dive to at least 500 metres.
SBT are very valuable and their primary market is the Japanese Sashimi market. Because of the high fat content of SBT flesh, premium prices can be obtained in the Japanese market. The landed market value of the SBT fishery is estimated to be about $AUD 320 million.
Except for the catch by Australian fishers, the main method used for catching SBT is longline fishing. This method involves using long lengths of fishing line with many hooks. The SBT caught are mainly frozen at very low temperatures (-60C) and either unloaded at intermediate ports and shipped to markets in Japan or unloaded directly at markets in Japan.
The Australian component of the fishery mainly uses the purse seine method. This is a net that encloses a school of fish. However, rather than landing the fish, the fish are towed to waters near the Australian mainland and placed in floating cages anchored to the ocean floor. The tuna are then fattened for several months and sold direct to Japanese markets as frozen or chilled fish.
ABOUT SOUTHERN BLUEFIN TUNA
Australian Fisheries Management Authority
2020 SOUTHERN BLUEFIN TUNA ZONE UPDATE
During the period from May to October, the waters off the east coast of NSW become an area of significant interaction between the Southern Bluefin Tuna Fishery (SBTF) and the Eastern Tuna and Billfish Fishery (ETBF).
While the ETBF is a multi-species fishery, the SBT fishery is a single species fishery that requires operators to hold SBT quota that is nominated to their boat in order to take the species.
To address the risk of SBT being taken in the ETBF without quota, AFMA institutes restricted access areas in the ETBF annually. These arrangements require ETBF operators to have minimum SBT quota holdings in order to operate in designated areas of the ETBF where SBT are likely to interact with longline fishing gear.
The location of the new SBT Zone comes into effect 00.01am Wednesday 8 July 2020. The northern boundary of the SBT Zone commences at latitude 33°00’S, longitude 150°09'E and extends due east.
Management arrangements for 2020 can be found at: https://www.afma.gov.au/fisheries-services/sbt-zones
Deep-dropping is producing plenty of daytime swordfish along the East Coast for those willing to put in the time and effort required for success. Adrian E. Gray
“I’ve been fishing for daytime swordfish for only about a year,” says Capt. Fin Gaddy, whose charter boat,Qualifier, is based out of North Carolina’s Oregon Inlet Fishing Center—a popular destination for anglers throughout the mid-Atlantic region. “I’m winging it, and although I feel like we’ve been relatively successful, I also have so much more to learn. It’s my bucket-list thing—I really love doing it. It’s a brand-new challenge.”
Daytime Swordfishing on the East Coast USA
From the Carolinas to Maryland, teams are successfully deep-dropping for swordfish
By Sue Cocking May 5, 2020
The first time that charter captain Mark Hoos took customers on a daytime swordfish trip aboard his 58-foot custom Carolina,Marli, out of Ocean City, Maryland, in fall 2018, they hooked a 424-pounder four minutes into the first drift and boated it. On subsequent trips,Marli’s crew averaged eight sword bites a day—and caught some bigeye tuna along with them.
“It’s been an untapped fishery,” Hoos says of the daytime swordfishing in his local waters. “It has definitely extended our season. Usually our offshore action peters out in October, but now we’re fishing through Thanksgiving.”
That same scenario is repeating all along the mid- and southern Atlantic coasts, from Maryland to Virginia Beach, Virginia, down through the Carolinas and northern Florida. While dropping baits to the bottom at high noon to catch swordfish was unthinkable 20 years ago, the North Atlantic stock of these world-traveling predators has been rebuilt under careful US and international management. With so many more fish available, the South Florida debut of day-dropping more than two decades ago has since burgeoned into a robust recreational and charter fishery along the East Coast that’s hooking more enthusiastic participants with each passing season.
Although a relative newcomer to the fishery,Qualifier’s Capt. Fin Gaddy has found daytime deep-dropping to be an exciting new challenge.© Scott Kerrigan/www.aquapaparazzi.com
Hooked up! Some prefer to use electrically assisted reels, while others enjoy the challenge of hand-cranking a big swordfish. Adrian E. Gray
Gaddy, his former mate Nathan Walker of Virginia Beach, and Hoos all say they learned from the successes of day-dropping pioneers such as the Stanczyk family—operators of Bud n’ Mary’s Marina in Islamorada in the Florida Keys—as well as Fort Lauderdale-area tackle-shop owner and video producer RJ Boyle, and the Stanczyks’ friend and colleague Vic Gaspeny, who once held the unofficial record for the most swords caught on consecutive trips. Now these mid-Atlantic pioneers have made this fishery their own, adapting Florida techniques successfully enough to score consistent catches in their home waters.
Adapt and Overcome
Mid-Atlantic fishermen generally pursue swords off what’s known as the bank—the north-south edge of the continental shelf—at depths ranging from 900 to 1,400 feet and between 45 and 65 miles offshore. Gaddy patrols the waters off the Outer Banks, marking the schools of bait that congregate around the rolling humps and sharp drop-offs. When he spots a promising target area on the sounder, he bumpsQualifierout of gear and uses his chart plotter to gauge the speed and direction the boat is drifting. Allowing for current speed, direction and wind, he sets up an upwind, up-current drift, then stops the boat and drops the bait in the water. He reports that this is easier to do than in the Florida Straits, where the Gulf Stream roars north at more than 5 miles per hour. Off the Carolinas, the Gulf Stream veers east, so Gaddy often finds himself fishing in little to no current at all. “It’s all about finding productive bottom structure and bait first,” he says.
Most swordfishermen use the same basic setup, though each might put his own individual twist on the rig: the tip, or gunwale rod, is usually a stout 5- to 6-foot, light-/medium-action rod with a soft tip, filled with around 900 yards of 65- to 100-pound braid on either a Lindgren-Pitman electric reel or an 80-pound-class conventional reel with an electric-assist capability like those produced by Hooker Electric. The braid is connected to approximately 100 feet of 250-pound monofilament wind-on leader by a loop-to-loop connection using a Bimini twist. A floss loop tied to the wind-on about 20 feet from that connection has a small longline clip that is attached to about 5 feet of 80-pound monofilament with a 5- to 10-pound weight, depending on the amount of current. The tag end of the wind-on holds two underwater lights, about 20 feet apart, whose rings are attached to the line by rubber bands. Preferred light colors vary by boat.
Below the second light, a stout ball-bearing swivel connects the wind-on to about 8 feet of 200- to 300-pound mono crimped to the hook. Popular baits include a stitched belly strip; a skirted, single-hooked fresh squid or eel (available through Baitmasters and other bait retailers); or a skirted, soft-plastic Hogy lure, which resembles an eel but is more durable than the real thing and can withstand attacks by hordes of squid. Skirts are used to protect the baits from repeated slashes by a swordfish’s bill.
The bite of a huge daytime swordfish in the depths is, counterintuitively,verylight. The angler might see the rod tip barely twitch a mere half-inch, even though a 400-pounder has just inhaled the bait. Sometimes they just whack it with their bill. The buoy rod bite is a bit more obvious: The float tends to lay over on its side.
“A swordfish bite does not show aggressively on the rod tip,” Hoos says. “We crank it away from them, then drop it back. Sometimes you have to drop it back three or four times before they come tight on it. Don’t forget that you probably have more than a thousand feet of line in the water.”
South Florida swordfish expert Capt. Nick Stanczyk (far left) pioneered many of the techniques now being used elsewhere in the world. Adrian E. Gray
“A swordfish bite does not show aggressively on the rod tip. we crank it away from them, then drop it back. Sometimes you have to drop it back three or four times before they come tight on it.”
- Mark Hoos
When he feels like he’s in the zone, Gaddy stops the boat and drops the bait slowly, using a line counter on the reel and stopping the descent occasionally to make sure everything remains untangled. When the weight hits the bottom, he cranks it up about 70 feet or so, and it’s ready to fish. If the line goes slack while it’s being dropped, that’s a bite, Gaddy says. If the bait doesn’t get hit on the way down, he drifts, bumping the boat in and out of gear and using a trolling valve to control his speed, all with the aim of keeping the fishing line straight up and down in the water column.
Gaddy fishes with a single rod in a gunwale holder unless he calculates he’ll get a longer drift. That’s when he deploys a buoy rod from the stern that holds the bait well off the bottom and away from the boat so that it doesn’t have to be tended constantly.
“Boating a frisky daytime swordfish can be sporty because these gladiators never quit—even after a battle from 1,500 feet down all the way up to the surface that might last minutes or hours.”
- Sue Cocking
A Bright Future
In November 2019, Justin Wilson, owner of the Oceans East tackle shop in Virginia Beach sponsored that state’s first-ever swordfish tournament out of Rudee Inlet. From November 4-30, a fleet of 29 boats scored 120 hookups, caught 50 (33 releases, 17 harvested), and also boated eight bigeye tuna. Hoos is more than happy to target swordfish before and after Ocean City’s mahi andwhite marlinhave gone south for the winter. And, according to Scott Lenox, a Maryland representative on the Mid-Atlantic Fishery Management Council: “It’s a brand-new fishery.”
Closing the Deal
Boating a frisky daytime swordfish can be sporty because these gladiators never quit—even after a battle from 1,500 feet down all the way up to the surface that might last minutes or hours. To improve the odds boatside, Gaddy employs a harpoon along with a low-drag poly ball, lots of line, and two 8-foot fiberglass gaffs. Remember that IGFA rules also do not allow harpoons to be used on prospective world-record fish of any species.
When the fish is on the surface, the skipper keeps the boat in gear while a crewmember quickly removes the weight from the line and maintains tension on the leader, easing up the fish using the wind-on—not taking wraps around his hand. When the fish is close enough, the crewmember sticks it in the body with the harpoon. Tied to the harpoon is 600 feet of line coiled neatly in a milk crate, with two more long sections of line at the ready. Gaddy clips a low-drag poly ball to the end of the harpoon line, and it’s ready to go.
Once the fish is at the boat, a crewmember sticks it in the head with the 8-foot gaff. If he loses the gaff, there’s another one ready. The gaffed fish is then led around to the stern, pulled through the transom door and placed in a 40-by-90-inch tuna blanket packed with ice, which is folded and secured with Velcro strips for the ride back to the dock.
South Florida swordfish experts like RJ Boyle pioneered many of the techniques now being used elsewhere in the world.Capt. Vincent Daniello
Now that he’s day-dropping more frequently, Hoos is also happy with the bycatch, which is often a hefty bigeye tuna. He said it’s easy to tell the bigeye bite from the sword. “They bow the rod over and take off,” Hoos says. “You definitely know it’s a tuna at that point.”
As in South Florida, there are different techniques for approaching the battle with a deep swordfish. Some anglers just want to catch them as quickly as possible by pressing the button on the electric reel, although they still have to remember not to push when the fish is taking drag. Others insist on hand-cranking them all the way up from the bottom, and still others use a reel with the electric-assist feature until they’ve recovered all but the wind-on, then hand-crank the fish the rest of the way to the surface. And of course, no fish caught using an electrically powered reel is eligible for IGFA world-record certification.
Thresher sharks certainly amazing creatures
You can search for all current state and national records here
Credit to AH360photography for this excellent photo
Daytime Sydney Sword!! 30/5/20
Caught at the southern canyons on a big squid, in around 500m of water. Used the pretty standard daytime deep drop method
The Black Sponge
“THAT PERSON LOOKS
(Did I sleep with him/her?)
Secret to a
Little Billy sees his mother walk out of the shower
and sees her vagina.
He asks her what it is and she embarrassedly
replies, “Oh, that’s mommy’s black sponge.”
A few days later, Little Billy spills a glass of milk
on the floor and says, “Mommy, I need your black
sponge to mop up the milk!’’
She replies, “I lost it, honey.”
A couple of days later, he comes running up to her
and says, “Mommy, I found your black sponge!”
Mystified, She Says, “Where, honey?”
Little Billy says, “It’s over at Mrs. Johnson’s house,
and Daddy’s washing his face in it!’
Basic Bar Terminology
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter
from his mother asking him to send her a current photo
of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her
know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in
half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts anther picture
in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the
photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he
sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his
grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his
grandmother. It says . . . “ Thank you for the picture.
Change your hair style . . . it makes your nose look too small!”
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of
their long and happy marriage.
“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the
husband. ‘We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down
to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone
too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said
‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule
stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, ’That’s
twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a
third time. My wife took a pistol from her pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she
looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ “
Letter from Grandma
Love the SAINT
A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist’s office.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple
finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way
you have intercourse,” and charged them $32.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make
an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the
doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying
to find out?”
The old man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything.
She’s married and we can’t go to her house ---- I’m married and
we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.
The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32, and
I get $28 back from Medicare, cool.”
“YOU GET THIS ONE,
NEXT ROUND IS ON ME.”
(We won't be here long enough
to get anther round.)
Ever seen a Billfish without a bill ?